boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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