Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
