as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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