He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
