halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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