Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize