My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
