I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
