dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i think my mom watched the whole time
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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