I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
