so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
