: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
How's work?
Spinning.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
