what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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