he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
