He is such a slut. More and more my type.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
