Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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