My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
