The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
