I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
