I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
