Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
