One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
