She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize