i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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