I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
