she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
