I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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