what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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