I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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