My Higher Power is John Stamos
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
dude. I can hear the air.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
