Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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