ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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