I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize