I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
