it's too hot outside to masturbate.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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