Betty ford says i'm here all night
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
