If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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