I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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