I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize