I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
