guys are not supposed to queef...right?
now i know why i became what i already was.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
