my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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