tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
