i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
