God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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