he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
