Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
