how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
