just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
