saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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