Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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