my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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