had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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