Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
