you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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