I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize