I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
