the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
