just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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