I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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