is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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