im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
