your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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