i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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