I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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