the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Randomize
