did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Hippo gnu deer
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
