And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
