After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
