when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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