the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
