My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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